This is IT

My maternity leave is over and it is back to work for me. That means that this is the night where I watch you sleep, I watch you breathe, I watch you smile, I watch you grasp onto my hair, I watch you swipe at daddy, I look down and stare into your eyes as you nurse and watch that chubby little arm extend as your hand clings to the top of my shirt - trying to pull me closer. I soak it all in because I need all of this tomorrow when I am away. I need to feel those tiny toes wrap around my fingers, like a monkey foot, I need to feel that soft skin ad chunky rolls snuggle into my lap....ugh..I cant even type it. I just need you - today - tomorrow - forever. Leaving you for work feels unnatural to me. For some moms it works. For me, it doesnt. So I hope these last 9 weeks (and then summer!!) will be my last full time gig for awhile. (btw - i was pink slipped so it may just happen that way)

Your brother has been squeezing you and kissing you nonstop and you get a little irritated by that. He is on you A LOT :) However, he does everything he can to make you smile and it works :) My favorite is your silent giggle and then wait..squeal! You turn heads with that noise, believe me!!!

Right this moment: You are sleeping in your swing. Its 11 00 so you should be sleeping until 6 but you might nurse right before i go to bed. You are wearig nothing but a diaper because its 80 degrees in here. You are curled up and your sweet chub is highlighted by my computer screen. About an hour ago I was nursing you in a similar outfit and as I looked at you I realized what a beautiful picture it would be. We were one. My arm supported your arm, your leg was curved into my led, your hand rested on my chest as I rested my hand on your head. Its times like these I wonder how people can't believe in God. He made you for us. He brought Daddy and I together for YOU. He blessed me and watch over us as you grew inside of me. It is amazing. And if its something you want someday, I can NOT wait for you to experience it too. You know, when you are married and have a good job :) Sorry, I had to.

Well I better get the rest of my things together for tomorrow. I know I'll need my waterproof mascara.

I will love you and miss you every.single.second


Mama